


"You'll be okay."

by orphan_account



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - No Zombies, Alternate Universe - Police, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Trauma, M/M, Trauma, negan's like a teacher or smth idk, oof, well rick is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 14:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13168644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Rick witnesses some awful shit.He refuses to worry Negan, and so doesn't tell his husband.One mental breakdown later, he can't hide it anymore.





	"You'll be okay."

**Author's Note:**

> lmao im sorry   
> also this wasnt proof read so feel free to point out any mistakes

Negan woke up to the feeling of the bed being particularly empty. He frowned, looking around the room, attempting to see anything through the thick layers of darkness that covered everything. Admitting defeat, he turned on the lamp on his bedside cabinet. The light broke through all the darkness, highlighting the fact he was, in fact, alone in the room. With a confused look on his face and a slight shiver caused by the cold flooring and the fact he was just wearing pajama bottoms, he ventured around the quiet house.   
Carl was at a sleepover and Judith had been spending the night with some family friends, which they had insisted when they had gotten a phone call from Rick’s work. The knowledge that he didn’t need to worry about waking up anyone else on his search for his husband reassured Negan that yelling ‘Rick?’ into every part of the house meant he wasn’t hesitant to. Eventually, after yelling into almost every other room in the house, Negan’s eyes trailed onto a shaking form in the corner of the dining room. He gasped quietly and rushed over to Rick’s side, hearing quiet and strangled sobs from the distressed man curled up in the corner.   
“Hey, hey, Rick, baby, you need to calm down.”  
Rick didn’t reply, he just kept sobbing, but he reached out to the man next to him and wrapped his arms around Negan’s neck. Negan decided that the action was probably going to be the best form of communication he was going to receive from the younger male. The air in the dining room was much chillier than the bedroom floor, as they didn’t bother heating that room unless they were having guests over, so Negan decided to lift Rick up in his arms and carry him to their room, which was a frighteningly easy task, considering Rick was a grown man. Rick curled up further once he was in Negan’s arms, the heat emanating from his chest was a welcomed comfort from the sharp air that grazed against his skin.   
Negan carried Rick up the house’s stairs to their room. Once they reached their bed, Negan gently lays Rick down, a stark difference from the way he usually threw him on, either laughter or lust in his eyes. The air was warmer than that of the dining room, and the soft bed material, whilst cool, kept Rick’s shaking form comfortable and slowly increased in warmth. Rick was very glad for being back in his bed, however, he found he simply couldn’t voice these thoughts through the sobs and whimpers he was emitting.  
Slowly, Rick’s cries became quieter and quieter until they were simply coughs and the occasional quick breath. Negan was glad for his husband’s calmed attitude, however, he wasn’t just going to let him go to sleep without a small interrogation.   
“Baby,” Negan muttered to him, “can you tell me what’s happened?”  
“I- I,” Rick stuttered, “wasn’t enough.” Tears welled in his eyes, causing him to turn his head away from his husband. As much as Rick absolutely loved Negan, he hated seeing Negan worry. He hated having to watch Negan panic, especially over him. As much as Rick’s pronounced masculinity was his main turn to for his self-conscious thoughts, he was incredibly insecure about his masculinity. Being short and bisexual didn’t help his self-deprecating thoughts, regardless of his husband’s constant reminders that being bisexual wasn’t reserved for any personality type or gender and that he had no control over his height, and appearing to be really emotional was the final nail in the coffin.   
“Rick, baby, of course you’re enough! Who the hell told you that shit?”  
“No one! I just know it. I know I’m useless, I know I’m a fucking failure!”   
Negan was silent. Rick cringed internally at the knowledge that he had upset his lover, the shame sitting deep in his stomach. Negan wasn’t an idiot; he knew that Rick was self-conscious about the best part of himself, especially the things he couldn’t change. However, Negan couldn’t think of one feature of Rick that he’d change if he had the chance, but he’d certainly make him more sure of himself. The knowledge that Rick found flaws in how he looked seemed absolutely ridiculous, but it was the ugly truth. It shocked Negan how people who were simply so beautiful and flawless could see nothing past what they deemed as imperfections; how people with such wild lives had time to obsess over the tiny chosen ‘wrongs’.   
Deciding that he wasn’t going to get anything out of his husband in the state he was in during that same night, Negan pulled the covers from under his lover, before climbing back into the bed and pulling them over the both of them. Rick knew this meant he wanted them to sleep, but thinking about having the same nightmare, see the man get murdered all over again, terrified him.   
Working as a cop for so long had obviously meant Rick had seen some awful shit. Abuse, murder, rape just to name a few of the atrocities. However, nothing had shaken him more than seeing a teenager get tortured and murdered by cult members. He had to watch as the boy died slowly and painfully, screaming out at the top of his lungs until his very final breath. He had been on patrol when he heard a call come through his radio, stating that a minor noise complaint had been sent to a company regarding their most recently abandoned warehouse. Aware that no one should have been in the building, the police were called just to check that everything was okay. Rick had assumed it was just teenagers having a party or a group just there to check it out for any paranormal activity. Rick knew that it was probably nothing, so he didn’t worry about walking into anything dangerous. However, he was soon proven wrong by the sight of a teen being tortured greeting him as he casually opened a random door. Turns out the noise complaint was the teenager screaming to death, not that of heavy metal music or a wild party. However, Rick would have much rather dealt with one of those than what he did have to see.   
After the incident, Rick had been dismissed from work for two weeks, but he had gone back after just two days. He never told Negan what happened, or why he wasn’t going to work, but the shame and trauma had grown on him slowly, and it had simply become too much for him to deal with as he tried to control the terror that boiled inside of him after witnessing everything he saw.   
So, naturally, Rick wasn’t up for the idea of going to sleep.   
Negan had already onto his side and wrapped his arms snugly around Rick’s waist, which did offer a comfort to Rick. However, it didn’t stop the fact he was going to have to explain to Negan why sleeping wasn’t going to be an option for the next few days.   
“Baby, try to get some sleep.” Negan muttered in his ear. Rick shook his head.   
“N-No.” he said in a gravely, uncertain voice.   
“Please, babe, you need to.” Negan begged, tightening his hold on the man’s stomach slightly. Rick shook his head once more, adamant on the fact that he was not getting to sleep. Negan became slightly frustrated, as seeing Rick delve back into his self-destructive behavior such as refusing sleep and forgetting to eat reminded him that, when they met, they were hardly on friendly terms with one another. Negan had supported Rick as he fought his demons and treated the behaviors, and would do it all again for him in a matter of moments, but if he could avoid having to take Rick to the hospital at 3 am again with a confused Carl and Judith being dumped at a friend’s house because ‘it’s an emergency’, that’d be great.   
“Rick, please! If you won’t fucking go to sleep, tell me what’s fucked with your mind! It’s not normal to not sleep for days on end, but I always trusted that you were in control of whatever the fuck’s going on, but now I’m genuinely frightened for you!”  
“How am I meant to sleep, Negan? A human is dead and I couldn’t save them! I had to watch them die, watch them get torn apart, and you expect me to sleep!?” Rick blurted out, louder than he had expected and clearer than he wanted. Shock formed over Negan’s face as he saw the tears start slowly dripping down Rick’s cheeks again. The shaking had come back, not so severe but enough that Negan worried for a split second that Rick was having a seizure. The fact that he had to see the man that he loved cry, especially after hearing he had gone through so much trauma, was purely heartbreaking. Negan was silent for a moment before wrapping his arms gently around his husband, pulling him closer to his chest. Rick buried his head in Negan’s chest, his head throbbing, tears in his eyes.   
“You’re going to be okay, baby,” Negan whispered. “I promise.”  
Rick nodded numbly, not moving his head from Negan’s chest.   
“You’ll be okay.”


End file.
